ALL-STARS RECAP: Episodes 22-28

Spoilers ahead.

When I was in middle school, I decided to be a doctor. I’m currently writing a Substack dedicated to the Love Island franchise, so you might guess how well that went. But, at the age of thirteen, I knew that if I were going to be a doctor, the first step was to win my school’s Science Fair. The project I chose measured the impact of aerobic exercise on lung capacity, and the experiment required upwards of twenty people to blow water out of a bottle through a tube while standing over my parents’ kitchen sink. For a month, my classmates, neighbors, and mom’s coworkers traipsed through our kitchen. Our linoleum floor was constantly covered in a light smattering of water droplets. I had a composition notebook so waterlogged that I couldn’t read some of my data. All that, and I didn’t even place at the Science Fair. To date, that was some of the most potent disappointment I’ve ever felt. (In my adult life, I have been vindicated by recognizing that the pastors and educators at a private, Christian school are maybe, in fact, not the best judges of science). That sense of disappointment has returned to my body as of late. I put in the work. I watched more than 500 hours of Love Island UK to reap the satisfaction of an All-Star season! So… where’s the satisfaction?

Here are the biggest happenings from the last week:

Molly and Callum just aren’t getting back together. Which is fine. It’s fine! They’re probably healthier for it. Joe the Sandwich Man was answering questions on his instagram and said that he doesn’t see them reuniting. At a certain point, I have to trust that the first-hand witnesses might be seeing something the audience isn’t. (This is true in every case except for the Cely/Justine hate-train that popped off at the end of Games). Still, I found it sweet that Callum mentioned the friendship he and Molly have cultivated being the most positive part of his All-Stars experience. In a week, you’ll see them at the dog park having a playdate.

Kaz was dumped from the villa. Similarly to Callum and Molly’s separation, it’s for the best. The villa didn’t deserve her. Something I keep thinking about is that conversation she had where she referenced having hurt people in the past. I love the sheer non-judgement with which she speaks about her personal growth and takes accountability for past actions. The villa! Did not! Deserve her! Truly so glad that she got the free vacation, though. And so is she.

Anton is a bored, bored man. Don’t get me wrong, he won me over. I think he’s a gent, but now that he doesn’t have Georgia to chase, I can see the boredom creeping in. He wants to go home. He wants to have tea with his mum. He wants to go binge watch Love Island All-Stars.

Byeeeeee, Casey!

Arabella fascinates me. The boys clearly see her openness with her sexuality as shameful promiscuity that they desperately want a taste of. In games, they consistently say she is the most likely to cheat / be disingenuous, never mind the fact that she genuinely liked Chris and was completely loyal to him. She’s just sexual, and for those villa boys, a loyal, but openly sexual woman just doesn’t compute. Still, how she’s lasted this long in the villa is beyond me. And considering her tendency to make other peoples’ drama about her, I think I’m ready for her to go home.

That’s all for this week. Here’s to the next one. Hopefully it doesn’t get worse.